


inspector javert & the case of the pilfered pastries

by voksen



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Established Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Kink Meme, M/M, Silly, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-09
Updated: 2013-02-09
Packaged: 2017-11-28 16:05:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/676281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voksen/pseuds/voksen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Javert's bread keeps going missing.  This is undoubtedly because he lives with a thief.</p>
            </blockquote>





	inspector javert & the case of the pilfered pastries

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [inspector javert & the case of the pilfered pastries |沙威警长探案集之面包窃案](https://archiveofourown.org/works/948604) by [Fish3901](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fish3901/pseuds/Fish3901), [voksen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/voksen/pseuds/voksen)



> For the kink meme prompt:  
>  _So Valjean talked Javert away from the bridge and they've reached the point where they're in a happy relationship. Except for their one issue. Bread. Like, Javert returns home and is all: "how can there be none left? I just went to the shop!". Or during dinner with Marius and Cosette, Valjean asks someone to pass him the bread, and Javert just stares him down._
> 
>  
> 
> _Idek, just give me some crack._  
>  (because man, during "The Confrontation" Valjean just sounds like "for fuck's sake, I stole some bread, give me a break"). So yeah, that's the prompt.

It began on a Monday morning, quite early.

Javert had gone to the boulangerie as soon as it opened, just before the sun rose, to collect a baguette and several croissants: the baguette was intended for dinner, as Valjean's twit of a son in law was to visit and they had need of more than usual; the croissants, for his breakfast, as Javert anticipated needing a good deal of fortification to make it through the day.

It had been considerably rainy the past few days and the mud was deep in the streets; Javert had only barely missed being completely drenched by a cart on his way back. The food had, thankfully, escaped unscathed; Javert's pants not so much. So, when he let himself back in - no sound, Valjean must still be abed - he set the sack of bread on the kitchen counter and went upstairs to change.

When, refreshed, he returned to put the kettle on, he found the bread had gone, the door was unlocked, and - when he looked - neither was Valjean anywhere to be found.

 

Javert slammed on his hat, went back out, and breakfasted at a cafe. Marius Pontmercy could go without a loaf at dinner.

 

Javert didn't mention the matter; neither did Valjean; and all was well in the house for three days. Then - _then_ , on the very day Javert had acquired a tiny yet perfect jar of _proper_ lavender-and-apricot preserves from the market, he returned home to find that the breadbox was completely, mysteriously empty of the entire half-loaf that he distinctly remembered having left there that very morning after breakfast. And the boulangerie had already closed.

Valjean did not even have the decency to notice that he was in disgrace.

 

For the following week he kept a sharp eye on Valjean every time the other man ventured into the kitchen - and if he checked the breadbox more often than was perhaps normal, could he really be blamed? But no: so long as his guard was up nothing went amiss, and it was only after he had decided that perhaps he had been mistaken in Valjean after all - God knew he was always, still, would ever be second-guessing the man - that it happened again. 

Cosette had visited and spent so long chatting with Valjean that she had left it too late to go home; the next morning, when Javert awoke, both father and daughter were gone - along with every last scrap of bread in the house. And, piling insult upon injury, the last of the brioche-and-butter that Javert had so enjoyed at dinner had vanished as well.

It had to be mockery, Javert decided, although Valjean's manner was as mild as ever. What other reason could there be for stealing _bread_ again and again but to, unaccountably, remind Javert of those foul long-ago days in Toulon? Fine. If Valjean wished to remember, then Javert would remember. He would watch Valjean as he had watched 24601, and the next time the man decided to steal bread he would catch him at it.

 

First, to set the trap.

 

"Valjean," he said, a few days after the brioche incident, when he thought the thrill of larceny might have worn off. "There's a new baker setting up not too far away. I thought I would go buy some _bread_."

Valjean looked up from the notepad he was scratching at, eyebrow quirked. "Oh?"

Well, if he would not take the verbal bait, Javert was sure he would take the physical. "And perhaps a galette," he added, so as not to be too obvious. "For dinner."

"That does sound good," Valjean agreed.

It was good. So good that Javert was certain that Valjean would not wait long to run off with the rest. And indeed, Javert, alert as a hunting dog, heard the tiny squeak of the breadbox's hinges early the very next morning. He sprang into action, storming downstairs just in time to see the front door close - made a brief check: All gone! _All!_

Valjean was halfway down the road by the time Javert began to follow him, a lumpy sack under his arm. Javert tailed him relentlessly through the maze of streets until at last Valjean arrived at the Luxembourg Gardens - and there was Cosette, waiting for him - with a sack of her own.

Javert ducked back to watch them in confusion. Was daughter like father? Was Cosette involved in some sort of bizarre bread theft ring? Did Baron Pontmercy also have to put up with his toast going missing?

Having greeted each other, Valjean and Cosette continued on side by side, Javert following at a discreet distance, until they reached the central fountain. There were no children out so early; instead of toy boats, the fountain held only sleepy waterfowl, just beginning to wake with the dawn, who descended on the pair with a veritable avalanche of quacking the moment they drew near.

In his surprise, Javert had drawn too near as well and Valjean, with his old con's instincts, detected him. "Ah," he said, smiling at Javert fondly - just as if he wasn't being caught red-handed. "Javert. I thought it might be you. Would you like to feed the ducks with us?"

"Please do," Cosette said. "We'd love your company."

And so he did.


End file.
